If you live in New York, even if you’re Catholic, you’re Jewish.– Lennie Bruce
Every Mile is Two in Winter
I went to Tennessee for Christmas. It was awesome. Then I got stranded. Now I am back. I missed the record-breaking blizzard, but I have returned for the record-breaking black and brown snow slush banks studded with cigarette butts and paper coffee cups. Finally. It looks pretty in the backyard of our office, though.
New York will put a slice of swiss and some lettuce inside half a pita pocket and charge you four dollars. San Francisco does the same, but the cheese is imported baby swiss, the lettuce was grown right outside and the pita pocket is made from organic, local, whole wheat and it is served to you by someone with multiple degrees.
NYC is like an abusive boyfriend. When you’re there you feel stupid for...
Don't Need No Freakin' Skates
Friday night a couple of friends and I went to Bryant Park to ice skate. After procuring a hot dog from a street vendor for triple the normal price, we found the line. And it was long. 45 minutes to wait to skate in below freezing weather. We decided a bar would be better. But this guy got resourceful. He didn’t let any long wait to skate get in his way. He was doing triple lutzes in his...
I am getting a little weary of the rush, rush, rush.
Spoiled by the Golden State
Me: Fresh Direct is okay, but none of their produce is local.
Him: Honey, this is an urban island. None of our produce is local.
One belongs to New York instantly, one belongs to it as much in five minutes as...– Thomas Wolfe
Crosswalk signals are simply a suggestion.
I made a movie.
SF Cyclists vs NYC Cyclists
I am just going to go ahead and say it: Cyclists in New York City are about ten times less obnoxious than those in San Francisco. Let me explain. First of all, riding a bicycle in New York doesn’t seem to carry the same cache that it does in San Francisco. In New York, a bike is a way to get someplace. In San Francisco, a bike can and does define people. One day I was crossing the street...
LIES. LYING LIAR.
Still mad at the dude who was shouting in Times Square this morning about how there is only one more day til Friday.
Never in the whole of my life have I seen so many fur coats. Many, many chinchillas have died to keep New Yorkers warm.
If you had told me five years ago that I would have gotten in a old man’s face to explain to him that he doesn’t get to take up three seats on the subway at rush hour *and* give me attitude, I would have called you a terrible fortune teller. But you’d have been right. That asshole had it coming.
New York’s beautiful women have access to some kind of Miracle Grow as they are all about 12 feet tall.
The crowds on the subway today were brutal. Trying to board the 6 train this morning was a bit like what I imagine tackle football to be like. The cars were filled to the brim, but still people pushed forward. One more body could fit, they knew it, and it would be their body. A snooty woman turned to a girl in braids behind her and said, “Don’t push me, please.” Her voice was...
My favorite new pastime is watching New York City smokers trying to light cigarettes in the cold-ass winter wind. It is a portrait of tenacity. They will get their fix. Even if they have to stick their entire head into a handbag and then light a match.
In my opinion, if you don’t have a bartender at your party, you’re a loser,”...– getthefuckoutofherewiththisshit Mixing Drinks, Adding Class? - NYTimes.com
What Lies Beneath
Last night the 6 train was running slowly and not as often, so I had to wait two rounds in order to board. (I decided to wait when the man with the scarred face holding a Cabbage Patch doll forcibly moved a lady’s hand from the railing while yelling, “WHOA WHOA WHOA” in her face.) I stood with my toes over the yellow safety strip, anchored firmly so as to keep my place in...
Tonight is one of those nights where I go straight home after work and hole up and don’t even consider going anywhere or having a drink or even talking to anyone really, because New York has caught up with me. I have to take restoration days.
On a Roll
New York has something called a roll. It is a breakfast bread. Most people get bagels, but on occasion I hear talk of a roll. “Egg and cheese on a roll!” or “Do I want a bagel or a roll?” So, today I blindly ordered my egg and cheese on a roll. I was eager to see what this roll entailed. It’s a soft, white, round roll with a kind of pinwheel design on top. It looks...
Okay. Touch yourself while I am gone.– man on cellphone at 32nd and Park
“Water is the only drink for a wise man.”
They say New York is the city that never sleeps, but I have seen evidence to the contrary. One morning I got up very early on a Saturday to begin some cleaning and other chores, around 6:30 a.m. I gathered up the recycling and a bag of trash and headed out the door of my apartment to the rubbish room when I heard the strains of house music coming from the hallway. I looked down to see a lifeless...
Bagels are a full face workout.– my awesome co-worker, F
When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world...– Fran Lebowitz
What We've Got Here
I live on the west side in a neighborhood called Hell’s Kitchen, a formerly gritty neighborhood in revival that is home to Daredevil. And now me. I’ve been there around two and a half months. My apartment is less than a block from the Hudson River. Next stop: New Jersey. My studio is more than three avenues from the nearest subway stop. When I first moved I found the distance to be...